Everyone has an “internal working model of the world.”  It’s their belief about how the world operates and how they fit into it.   Having ADHD changes a person’s model.   People with ADHD often develop mistaken beliefs and maladaptive thought patterns.   Many believe they are destined to become a failure, are stupid and that they aren’t worthy of being loved.  Teaching a child to “think about their thoughts” is a basic therapeutic technique.     

Below are some patterns of thought and some mistaken beliefs that impact people with ADHD.    Correcting them requires awareness, intervention, and patience.

1)    Blaming and guilt.  Perhaps the most problematic of thinking patterns.   We blame either ourselves or others for problems.  Neither is helpful.  Working to find solutions is.  If you hear blaming then it’s time to take a break and rethink what needs to be done.  Guilt is rarely helpful.  It often motivates us to do things that are usually bad,  because we feel inappropriately responsible.  There is a huge difference in feeling sad and feeling guilty about an event or an experience.  Sort out which is which.  If you do then you’ll respond better.
2)    Labeling.  Kids with ADHD often get labeled as problematic, angry, aggressive and unmanageable.   While many do have behavioral problems and all have problems with self control, it isn’t helpful to label them as anything.   Labels often tend to follow children.   We should be more concerned about solutions than a diagnosis.  Don’t let them label themselves and don’t let anyone else label them either.
3)    Predicting the future.   Can anyone possibly know the outcome of what will happen?  Yet, ADHD kids will often do that, predicting a negative outcome because of past experiences.    Help your family member stop that when it occurs.
4)    Always and “all or nothing” thinking.  Usually designed to avoid something that we are fearful about,  when we hear “always” or “never” or black and white responses then  we can assume some emotion associated with the future event we are trying to avoid.    Talk about the emotion that exists rather than what might or might not occur.
5)    Giving up.  We once had a nine year old  in our center who had a 138 IQ.   He had already decided he wanted to be cowboy when he grew up “because  Cowboys don’t have to go to college.”  He had given up on school by age 9 in spite of being the smartest child in his class.  Is having ADHD problematic?  Yes!   Is it challenging? Yes!  Can we learn to cope and succeed?  Yes!.  Look at the list of incredibly successful people who did well in spite of the problems.  Don’t ever let your child believe they can’t be successful  because they have ADHD.

Identify other mistaken beliefs.   Every ADHD person develops different ones as a result of their experiences.    Help them believe.  Instill hope.   Exhibit confidence.   Show love.   Be patient.